I have a ra28 and it doesn't use a relay for the headlights, I'm guessing that yours is the same as mine as yours would be older. The way the 28 works is it just uses the multifunction switch to switch the headlights, no relays required. I think the relay you are refering to with the 3 wires is the flasher can, when disconnected the indicators won't work??
As for the headlights the easiest way to do it is to remove the wires from the headlights and put the relays in the engine bay to switch when the signal from inside the car is sent. Then use the outputs of the relay to switch the headlights and high beam on (2 relays required). If you want to make it neater than you will have to run the wires from inside the car somewhere.
The relay if you are unsure will be pin30 to ground pin87 to headlight, pin 85 for signal in and power to pin86.
In answer to your question removal of the headlight plug to wire it to a relay unfortunately will be required no matter how you do it, unless of course you cut the wiring somewhere between inside and the headlight plug.
Just a little thing for you to note in QLD you can only have one set of low beams so you might want to check if you can have 2 sets in NSW. As for High beam you can have 2 sets if you want to. No transport law against that in QLD (that I'm aware of anyway).
I hope that helps
Aaron
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