we are wiring up a similar starter on my car. even thought i dont really follow your probelm (i'd have to look at it), this is what we did.
intercept the wire from the barrel that has power when you crank the car. remove this wire and replace with a switch (the barrel is basically just a switch anyways) one side +ve, other side signal wire from the barrel (the wire which lights up +ve when cranked).
that way you just turn the car to reds, then push the button.
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